Soooooo…I have the urge to write here on this blog every day, and yet, here I am MONTHS later just now sitting down to write.
Sometimes I don’t write because there is too much pressure….say the right key words X number of times…worry about SEO…have titles and subheadings and pictures…
Of course I want people to find the blog to read what I am writing, but I also just want to write, to share, to inform, to encourage, to document.
In case you are new here, I am a 20-something veteran high school English teacher (also a mom to a soon-to-be college student and a rising high school senior…also a wife of 20-something-years…also a PROUD dog mom of 2 1/2 years).
This past school year was anything BUT enjoyable. It was down right soul-crushing-identity-stealing-life-force-draining awful.
I had freshmen…alllllllll daaaayyyyyyy. Generally speaking, I enjoy teaching freshmen, but this group was half enjoyable/half dreadful.
I was cussed at/out almost on the daily. There was destruction of school property–a lot of destruction. There was a refusal to listen, to think, to be an active learner. And there was so much teenage drama and fighting.
And then there were administration issues.
And to top all of that off with building a business and tending to my family…man oh man have the last 9 months been tough.
By the time we got to May, I realized I didn’t quite know who I was anymore. I found that I was just kind of this empty shell, and I knew that I had 2 choices: 1) I could just be the victim and blame others for why I felt the way I felt (empty, cold, lifeless, down-in-the-dumps, etc, etc.) OR 2) I could own my life circumstances and DECIDE who I am.
I know who I want to be. I want to be a strong, vibrant woman who takes care of herself, who loves herself and others. I want to be a successful business woman. I want to do things with my life (like being a life coach, a podcaster, running a business that serves others) that betters the lives of those around me.
I know how I want to look.
I know how I want to dress.
I know how I want to FEEL.
If there is one thing I have learned it’s that how we feel is a choice. Things that happen around us or to us are just that…things. They don’t have inherent meaning until we give them meaning. And I gave this school year all kinds of meaning it didn’t need to have.
I chose to feel defeated, bummed-out, run-down, devalued, dumb, broken, ugly even. I chose to let other people define me.
So I made a plan in late May. I decided that this summer was going to be all about intentionality. I made a plan to fill my cup and FINALLY step into my OWN.
Here’s the plan:
- Start working out again. I started Hammer and Chisel on May 27.
- Do a round of Whole30. I started that on May 28th.
- Clean out my closet and donate everything I do not find joy while wearing–even if it means getting rid of EVERYTHING.
- Slowly buy new pieces of clothing that bring me joy
- Paint the closet.
- Clean up my environment (aka my house)
- Clean up the basement
- Decorate my bedroom
- Revamp main-floor bathroom
- Decorate the dining room
- Create some outdoor living space
- Read–both for pleasure and for school
- Run–had my first run May 28th.
- Do things once a week with Zeus (my fur-love-of-my-life) outside of the simple walk around the neighborhood
- Share all of this with the people
Okay. So, this is a really long post telling you that I allowed myself to be knocked down and kicked around for awhile (some of that I did myself), but I am coming back, stronger and better than ever, and I am inviting you to join me if you like!!
I started a FREE Facebook group for women who want to have a place to share the things they feel called to do but maybe are too afraid to put it all out there. Or who are looking for like-minded people. Or who need encouragement and inspiration. Or who just want a few friends.
Just send me a quick email at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will add you.
The dog has hit his patience limit, so I am off to give him a walk before I do my own workout this morning. Thank you for reading and like Arnold S (can’t spell his last name) said in The Terminator…”I’ll be back.”